i just wanna soil my oats bro
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
