Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
