My first STD was from a foam party
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
