Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish i was in the wii world.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
