his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
should my penis look like a turkey
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
