soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
