...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
