Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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