It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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