woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
