I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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