Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
