My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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