I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
