forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
