are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
