Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
