Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
