Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
