five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
