No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
