Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
