Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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