your thong is hanging out like whoa
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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