You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
