took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
