Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
