He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
