i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
