dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
