So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
