Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
