Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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