Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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