You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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