is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
