Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
are you so shy because you have an std?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
