you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
