I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
