walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
