ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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