Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
