Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think my mom watched the whole time
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
