Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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