This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
