moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
