I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
