Someone shit on the floor
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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