Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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