Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
