i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
