can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
