Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
