I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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