I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
