i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
