best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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