R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
