As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
